THE GREEN HORNET [2011]

THE ADVENTURES OF STINGLESS AND BUZZLESS

2011, USA
Michel Gondry
4 // 10



Why? Why? Why? There's only one way to find out!

You'd be excused to think that to be a superhero you need superpowers. Being an alien helps. Or being bitten by a radioactive insect. Or finding an extraterrestrial piece of camp jewellery. Or being a mythical deity. But all these condition may be not just difficult, they may actually be completely impossible to obtain, so what other options are there? Well, you'd have to be at least a hermit not to ever hear about Bruce Wayne or, especially in recent years, Tony Stark. Yes, dear children, insane amounts of money can buy you insanely cool supertoys (unless you don't have the cheddar, in which case you simply violently tear a leaf out of the Kick Ass book). And what's even better, this way you never have to worry about the Kryptonite. But, as some evidence shows, you still need to be careful about the film adaptations. Dosh or not, you may still end up like Batman & Robin, Iron Man 2 or, indeed, The Green Hornet. Which is just a fancy way of saying, the film is crap.

I won't lie to you, the Green Hornet lore is not something I am familiar with. I was only enough aware of the character's existence to realise, when the film came out, that this was not an original work (as if that could happen in Hollywood these days...) but yet another adaptation. But even with that healthy dose of ignorance I think I am safe in my verdict, that this film does not do its protoplast justice. Which is kind of OK, since my expectations were quite low to start with, but what really, really hurts, is that this half-arsed attempt was directed by Michel Gondry, otherwise such a talented and innovative director who gave us the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (or some of the best Bjork's videoclips, since we're at it). Now, I can understand and even support the idea that a director with a quirky and artistic style wants to do a, sort of, superhero flick. Even just for fun. There's still, you know, potential in such concept. Oh, I don't know... imagine, for instance, you ask Tim Burton to make a superhero movie. Oh, wait a minute...

Anyway, you get the idea.

Shame Monsieur Gondry didn't. In The Green Hornet nothing's really quirky and hardly anything is innovative or enjoyable. It's not bad to the point of suffering, but I did finish watching it thinking that I have actually wasted the time. So first, there's the problem with identity. It's not a comedy, because it's hardly funny at all. It's not really an anti-hero film, because it's trying too hard to be funny to let the characters show any complexity. What it is most, is a film some American college students would enjoy watching with their buddies, while drinking so called beer from cans and leaving half-eaten pizza slices at the back of the sofa. They'd probably high-five each other as well every five minutes. For me, that's not good enough. When I fancy some goofy entertainment that in a statutory way requires shutting down parts of my brain, I'll watch Dumb And Dumber again. Because this is how you do it, Monsieur Gondry.

Another problem with The Green Hornet is casting. Looking at Seth Rogen's performance... well, saying that I found his every second on the screen annoying would be a bit of an understatement. For the whole length of this film I just wanted to punch him in the face. Then we have two complete mistakes. Cameron Diaz recycling (a bit) her appearance from The Mask and Christoph Waltz again drowning his talent in the commercial gutter (also recycling, desperately trying to imitate Tony Montana). The only appearance I welcomed with a hint of warmish feelings was Edward James Olmos whom I love unconditionally since the Miami Vice days. Jay Chou playing Hornet's sidekick Kato, as I understand, is a very popular Taiwanese singer. I think I'd recommend you don't quit your day job, Mr Chou. It's not just about having to deal with a character that was once portrayed by no other than Bruce Lee. No, it's about a very basic acting ability. You either have it, or not. And I'd rather watch Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr Freeze. Honestly.

I did like the car though. The car and some nicely done visuals earned the score. Otherwise it's definitely one of those films you can happily ignore and never regret not seeing it. So here's my hot tip of the day. You're welcome.